On Grief

The most important thing to remember about grief and grieving is that each of us feels and experiences it in our own way.  You cannot rush it.  You cannot stuff it down.  The hard fact is that you have to go through it to get to the other side.  But you will, step by step and day by day.  It can often help to talk about your grief to someone who simply wants to listen, not "fix it" for you.  

Know that I am always willing to hear from you.  There is an old saying, "Every grief needs a thousand tellings."  Feel free to tell me a thousand and one times or more if you need.  I promise I won't get tired of hearing from you. 

People who haven't been through a grief are sometimes unaware of how long it can take to heal.  A friend of mine lost her father many years ago.  About three months after his death, she was clearly having a rough day.  One of her acquaintances asked her what was wrong.  "Well, you know," my friend said, gently, "my father died."  The acquaintance looked surprised (and slightly annoyed) and exclaimed, "Are you still sad about that!?"  Have patience, both with yourself and your friends.  They want to help, but may not know how to.

Keep in mind, too, that your grief is your own.  By this I mean that whether it's a parent, grandparent, cousin, dog, cat, goldfish, or anything else, no one can tell you what or how to feel.  People who discount the pain we feel at the death of a pet have no idea what they're talking about.

Grief doesn't come only with death, but with other losses, as well.  A breakup, a friend moving away, having to move from your childhood home, and lots more can cause us to feel grief.  Don't judge.  Let yourself feel.

There are lots of coping techniques.  Talk to me for more ideas, but off the top of my head: